Yesterday my girls and I were driving in the car by ourselves. We have Emmies video playing in our car in place of Strawberry Shortcake. I don't want Elsie to forget her. I know their relationship will fade as Elle grows up so I am grateful for videos and pictures to help keep them alive. My conversation with Ava struck a core with me as they were watching her video.
Ava: Mom... I really miss Emmie's smile and how she would stick her tongue out.
Mom: I know, it was the cutest thing ever, I miss it too.
Ava: How come when I stick mine out it's not cute?
Mom: I'm not sure babe, but Emmie just had a way that everything she did was so sweet and innocent. (I thought it was funny that she had tried to do the same as Em to see what she looked like)
Ava: I know... I miss her mom.
Mom: Me too.... more than you will know! What do you miss most about Em?
Ava: I miss getting you trachs and diapers, massaging her feet, brushing her hair. I miss helping her lift her head up and wiping her mouth. I really wish she didn't want to go back to Heavenly Father. I want her to stay with us.
Mom:(tears flowing down my face) I'm so sorry you lost your sister sweetie. I want you to know you WILL see her again and it will be a glorious reunion.
Ava: I am so sorry you lost your daughter. I feel so bad for you.
This conversation brought tears to my eyes for many reasons. I think what Ava was trying to say was that she misses serving her sister. She truly loves her sister more than anything and misses "helping/ serving" her. I don't ever think I could ever teach my 7 year old out of a book or lesson plan on how to have the "pure love of christ" and how to serve someone the way she has for 7 yrs. Only Emmie could come to this earth and teach her that precious lesson. I am beyond grateful for the relationship they have with one another. Not very many children have the opportunity to have a sweet little angel live in their home and help care for them. Sometimes I would feel sorry for Ava because I felt like I put so much pressure on her to do this and that for Emmie. She never complained, not once! I felt bad that she didn't have the "typical" sister relationship that I have with my sister. I felt like she got robbed before Elsie came along. Now looking back, I am so grateful she had the opportunity to serve Emmie. Not very many children get to do that for a sister who never plays or speaks to them. It really is a gift and I feel Heavenly Father blessed us beyond measures to have this life. It was such a different life that I can't really explain but I know I miss it more than anything. Life was definitely more challenging and it felt unfair at times but I wouldn't trade one thing about it. I am grateful for sisters. We all knew how much Emmie loved her sisters through her eyes and the way she would look at them. Ava has been praying about the day she is reunited with Emmie. She had a melt down tonight after her prayers and felt guilty for not scratching Emmie's back the night before she passed. I told her how grateful Emmie was for all the nights she "did" scratch her back and one day she will repay her. It will feel so good be the recipient of Emmie's hugs. I know we are all looking forward to it. I hope I can do my part here and raise my other children so we can all return to be in our Heavenly Fathers presence with our sweet Em~Bug. That will be an amazing day for me. I love and miss her more than anything and I hope time goes by quickly.
13 comments:
That is so sweet! Ava will always remember the relationship she had with him because it was so special and it help build her character to be more Christlike. You will be so grateful you are journaling all of these tender moments.
Don't ask me why I wrote him I meant Emmie! I think I am still half awake. :)
So sweet... she is sorry you lost your daughter... she is so tender!
Tiffany - that conversation with Ava is so sweet. You are so right about this teaching our other children so much by them being able to 'serve' - I just never looked at it that way before. I have also had times where I feel sorry for Emma (my oldest who is 11) for having such an atypical relationship with her brother Adam (who is 9 and has multiple disabilities such as Emmie had) - but I see the fruit it is growing in her and for that I am so proud. And I know, if anything, the love she has for him is pure and intense. You are right it will be a glorious day when you all are reunited with Emmie...the years we are on this Earth are nothing compared to the eternity we will spend in Heaven. Thanks for sharing your special family with all of us.
I'm so glad you are writing these down and sharing them. I sometimes have a hard time writing down my true feelings or really important things. Thank you for sharing these sweet little glimpses into your life. I love you.
That made me cry...such sweet, tender words from her little mouth. It's so sweet how you each are more concerned about each others well being in this time of pain.
I agree-What a glorious day that WILL be when earth life is over for all of us...I hope it passes quickly too.
Ava did have such a unique but priceless experience to have a sister like Emmie in this life. She never got jipped-not once. We are all envious of her and the unique sisterly bond she shared with Emmie.
Thanks for sharing your sweet story. Hope you are doing okay. {{{HUGS}}}
Tiffany~
I will apologize right now for "blog-stalking" you again! :) But I just wanted to tell you how much this post meant to me. I have 2 girls! My oldest daughter, Zoie (5 1/2), has some challenges with behavior but is typical in her development. Our youngest child is our daughter, Lynzie (just turned 4, but is more like 2.) She has a cognitive and developmental delay and mild cerebral palsy, likely autism, and is g-tube fed, among other struggles. She doesn't really understand how to play, but is learning a little more each day. Zoie begs us for Brynlie to come to our family, (a daughter who we know is missing from our family and who we have yet to find and adopt), because she so badly wants a sister who can play with her! It breaks my heart for both of my girls, who don't have that natural connection. But Heavenly Father does bless us with sweet moments, when they connect, and it's priceless to me! Thank you for sharing your testimony with all of us! I can tell what a wonderful mother you are! :0)
That touched me so deeply! I know that a relationship that sweet, pure and tender is only through the service that comes from our truly innocent angels! I always felt like I put too much responsiblity on James to help with Porter (even though he doesn't complain) and wanted for him to have the brother bond that his dad has with his brothers...but after reading your post I realize how truly wonderful it is that Porter agreed to come be in our family and teach all of us these important lessons and this vital role... to make US better!
Thank you Tiff for sharing such a tender moment and blessing me in doing so!
Much Love,
Amy
Tiffany...
You are such a beautiful example to me! Your testimony of the Gospel and your faith in our Father in Heaven is amazing!! I taught the lesson in our combined YW's today on Increasing Testimonies thru Service and you and your family are the perfect example of this!! Print the pages of your Blog and put them in a book for your children to have when they get older! There is NO way they won't remember Emmie!!! I am sure she will always be a guardian angel for your family!!!
wow what a sweet conversation you had with ava. thank you for sharing this. it did bring tears to my eyes and i am glad that it did. i am so sorry for your loss and the big changes you are facing with a new school year, emmies' burial, meltdowns, etc. i enjoyed reading your post as it makes me want to spend more precious time with my daughter. i feel that i don't give her enough patience and love because i can't handle the emotional rollercoaster she does, everyday. but after reading this, i know i can and thank you.
okay tiff tears are streaming down my cheeks. I can't imagine what you are going through. But what I do know is how amazing you and jason have been. You have been such great examples to everyone of faithful, christlike people. When I get stressed about something, I stop and remember you and Jason and it makes me have a more refined perspective on life. You are an inspiration to me. I love you so much
-lace
Amazing how Ava is so aware of you and Jason. I think of you and your family everyday. Hope to see you soon.
Ava is such a sweet little girl. There really is nobody like her! You are a great mom and your girls love you so much!
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