This is Tracey, Tiffany's sister.
Jason emailed me this letter tonight and asked me if I would please put it on her blog. He doesn't know how to work all this blog stuff (and as a matter of fact, I don't know if he has ever even looked at either of our blogs), so I am his errand girl!
Tiff is so blessed to have such a sweet and supportive husband. This letter brought tears to my eyes. They truly have an amazing relationship and if anyone would know what the real deal is... it would be me!
Words Of Comfort
My Sweetheart Tiffany,
I am so sorry I have no words of comfort for you in this most trying time. I can’t explain to you how helpless I feel at this time as I watch you mourn for the loss of our daughter. I feel that I am usually capable of fixing our problems as they pour in, or at the very least providing you comfort. Tonight I felt the same way as you as we went through our normal family home evening. I confess, I found myself glancing down on the floor looking for Emmie. I confess, I found myself looking for her to lead the music during the opening song. I confess, that I know now we are missing a spirit in our home and it hurts beyond words. I am so sorry that I cannot find words of comfort for you.
I have never felt so helpless in my life. Tonight as we watched Emmie’s video I felt her sweet spirit partially restored for a moment. For a short time as we both sat there crying I felt connected to you both again and longed for that moment to freeze in time and to be set aside to provide comfort as long as we needed it. What a sweet moment that was and again I am left alone with out comfort. I wish the words of the Atonement and the Plan of Salvation continued to ease your pain, but I know that although we are strengthened and comforted in those principles of faith they alone cant replace the comfort of our daughter.
After family home evening tonight I decided to go for a run so I could clear my mind and find strength for you. While I jogged around the neighborhood I searched my mind for words of comfort that maybe I have not yet spoken to you, but soon realized that I have said just about everything I know of. So I started to listen to some conference talks from April. One was on healing the Sick, which may be a little late. Actually I read it in the hospital and it helped my understanding greatly. Especially towards the end when Elder Oaks speaks of the Lords Will. I know we have spoke of this together and have an understanding that Heavenly Father is in charge and has something else in mind. So, while those words provided me comfort I did realize that they probably were not what you were looking for tonight. The next talk I listened to was by President Uchtdorf, continue in patience. I thought to myself for a second this is probably not a good one to talk with her about either. How could I go to you and say, “Hon, have patience because you will see her again.” So I thought to myself, forget that, but I decided to listen to it anyway. And while I listened I found that this talk is very comforting and may be something you should hear. He described Patience as-“the ability to put our desires on hold for a time, is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter.” He goes on to say,” Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.”
“Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can-working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well.”
I know telling you to have patience and wait is not going to help, but I wanted to tell you that these words lifted my Spirits for some reason. I think it’s the part where he says,”it means staying with something (Emmie) and doing all that we can-working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship (missing Emmie) with fortitude (mental and emotional strength in difficulty) even when the desires of our hearts are delayed (being with our little angel Emmie).
Later tonight I asked you what I can do to help you and you told me,”Bring back my daughter.” If I could take away the pain I would gladly. I know your heart is broken and it will be forever. So, here are my words of comfort. I Love you. I love you more than I can love anything. I have never been so close to you and the very thought of your heart being broken, breaks mine. I don’t understand either why she is gone, but I do know that I am grateful for the time and experience we shared with her for the last 8 ½ years. What a remarkable time with a remarkable young girl. I can’t help but to feel proud to have been chosen for such a great responsibility and experience. I probably was not chosen, it was probably just you and I got to go along for the ride. For that I am grateful. I know you must have done something special in the pre-existence to earn the privilege of serving a choice spirit. Remember what President Riggs told you,” She chose you.” Tiffany I believe that with all my heart and know that your spirits are connected and forever will be. Her presence may be gone from us, but her spirit is still around us. Reach out to her and listen. She never spoke one word to you, but some how you always knew when she needed something. Her Spirit always spoke to you, and she still will if you pause and listen. I love you and I am so incredibly blessed to have 4 beautiful women in my life. I forever am indebted for the amount of blessings I have in my life. Most importantly you. I knew there was something special about you the moment I laid eyes on you in music class back in the 6 th grade. Thank you for never giving up on me and making all my dreams come true!
Love,
Jason
