Happy Birthday Beautiful...

My dearest Emmie....

9 years ago today, you made me a mother. I was secretly so excited you were a girl. I wanted your dad to think I didn't care because he wanted a boy. You made so many of my dreams come true. You looked exactly how we had imagined. Dark hair, blue eyes and beautiful.

Over this last week, your dad and I have been watching family videos. We came across the one when we got our first video camera so we could video you as you entered this world. I was 8 months pregnant with you and we were bickering (imagine that) whether or not you would be a soccer star or a dancer. I dreamed of you dancing and cheering just like me and he envisioned you playing sports like him. He was acting like a commentator as he was saying your name scoring a goal. We both cried as we watched the video. We had no idea what type of life was ahead of us. We were young, naive, yet so happy. We thought our world was crushed the day you were born. What was suppose to be the happiest day turned out to be devastating for such a young couple. As time passed, this new life turned out to be one I can't explain. My thoughts quickly shifted from anger to feeling like the luckiest parents alive. We had a celestial little girl who never spoke a word yet touched us and others in so many ways. Not very many parents get the opportunity to raise a choice spirit. No star athlete or dancer could ever compare to what we had. You have made me the proudest mommy in the world. You accomplished so many things and touched so many lives in the past 9 years. Your smile would light up a room. My heart is still broken and I don't expect it to ever completely heal. I still cry myself to sleep and wake up sad. But, what I do know is that you are with our Heavenly Father and his son. You are with all our loved ones. That to me is so comforting. I am so grateful for the knowledge of the Plan of Salvation. I know without a doubt that we will be reunited with you again. I know you are safe and you are being taken care of. As much as I mourn for you and miss you, I know you have work to do and that you are a busy little girl. I know the Lord has a plan and that we both accepted it. What a blessing you have been to me and your dad. You are such a strong little girl to come here to this earth and teach us for 8 1/2 years. What a sacrifice you have made. I know you have been watching over us and have been our administering angel. I have felt you many times since you have been gone. I still have to be a mom and put on a happy face for your sisters and brother. I am grateful that your brother was sent to me at this time. He has helped me so much and is such a sweetheart. Your sisters talk about you all the time and love you more than you can imagine. They watch all your videos and read your Strawberry Shortcake books on a daily basis. I bet you wish Ava did that while you were here. She is finally getting to be a good reader! Grandma Bella still cries when she comes over. You were such a big part of her life. She misses you so much but feels you are so happy.

You would normally be waking up this morning in our bed that would be decorated with streamers and balloons. Dad and I would be singing Happy Birthday to you as we showered you to get ready for school. I wish I was decorating tonight as you sleep. We have celebrated so many Strawberry Shortcake birthday parties with you. I know your not physically here but we will be celebrating another one tonight with all our extended family and doing a balloon release. I hope you know how much we love and miss you. I often think of the day we are reunited with you. It will be glorious.

Happy Birthday in Heaven my sweet angel, I love you more than you can imagine.....

With love,

Mom xoxo

Dad and Emmie

Emmie 7th Birthday

Emmie 2nd Birthday

Another Strawberry year...

I have been thinking about this birthday since the day she was born. Is she going to make it to 8? The Dr's said no... we thought otherwise and were right. Here we are... happy and healthy as can be! Jason and I over this past year have been going through a lot with trying to decide whether or not we should baptize our little girl. What would she want? We have been praying and fasting for quite some time now and are so happy with our decision. We decided to not baptize her because she is already perfect and there is no need. She is not capable of committing sin. How special is that? It was heart wrenching at times because thats what most 8 year olds choose to do. It was another thing she "couldn't" do. But we know our prayers were answered and our decision for her was the right one. So, we wanted to include her in on the special day with the other 8 year olds in our stake. There were only 2 other kids so it was very quaint. It couldn't have turned out more perfect. Her dad gave a talk on Baptism and I couldn't stop crying. He held it together until he spoke to Emmie. It was special. While the other kids were being baptized, we had my dad (Emmies grandpa) give her a blessing. It was so sweet. The blessing reminded me of the way I felt about her when she was born. I remember having many hours holding her in the NICU the month she was there right after her birth. I wanted to know "why?" I couldn't wait to find out where this journey would take me. I remember feeling so special that my Father in Heaven trusted me with this sweet spirit that was going to teach me so much. I knew she had choosen to come to this earth and gain a body and that she was here for us. To teach us. Thats it. How lucky we are to have an angel in our home teaching our family the important lessons we need to learn through this life. My father reminded me of that in his blessing to her that day. It was perfect. I felt so good and I knew our prayers were answered and that we had made the right decision.

So, we decided at the last minute to have her birthday party the same day since my family was going to be here for her special day. We had fun and here are some pictures that my sister took. She is always so willing to take over with her camera at events of mine. Thanks Trac, your the best!

I made Emmie a video for her 8th birthday and have been looking back at videos and realized, this is the 7th Strawberry Shortcake birthday party. This girl is obsessed.... and if Emmie is happy, so are we!

I thought her cake turned out darling

Love this picture of her.

We had "bubbles" come again and entertain the kiddos. Emmie can't get enough of those bubbles, she loves them.

Taylor and Emmie

Sophie and Macey. Thanks to "bubbles" I have confetti all over my front yard. I think it will take lots of mowing till it's all gone.

Grandma Bella and Grandma McCleve

Dad, Grandpa and Cannon

The kids lined up to get their faces painted!

Mom and Em bug

Dad and Elsie

Miss Sophie

Sisters and sister in law

Simas clan and Em

SISTERS

Snaggle tooth and Emmie (I have been trying to pull that tooth out for weeks now. It is still hanging there and drives me crazy every time I look at her. I tried pulling it in the middle of the night but she woke up screaming. woops!!!

Grandma Cindy with Emmie

I know... these looked cute online and they are already headed back. They look like elf shoes instead of slippers.

Grandpa McCleve and Austin

Grandma Bella and Em

Taylor and aunt Tracey

Bubbles is even entertaining us!

I don't think Elsie even ate lunch that day... candy, candy, candy.

Cousins having fun upstairs

Did I mention how much I love this girl?!?!

Happy Birthday to our sweet Emmie. Her smile lights up the room. She is so blessed to have so many grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends that love her so much and came to support her. She looked so beautiful and brought tears to my eyes every time I looked at her. She completes our family and we love her so much!

♥Life is good♥

8 is great!

I have to say... this day has felt so far away. 8 years ago today, my first born was born. I had dreams of being a mom for the first time and taking that journey everyone had talked about. I had no idea my life that day would change forever. After she was born and rushed to the hospital, I arrived 5 hours later to see her. My mom and dad pulled me into a room and told me news about my baby girl that I thought I would never hear. I was a very naive 25 year old when it came to knowledge regarding a disability or how children become disabled. I had never "thought" about it. My life felt like it was falling apart that day. It was. It took a while to finally accept my "new" life. But, once I did, I fell in love with it. Sure, there were some very trying times that most couples never face in a marriage. The Dr's told us our divorce rate would rise 80% from the norm. They told us she might make it to age 8. They told us she would never recognize us or know us. They told us she was deaf. I will never forget them sitting us down trying to talk us out of giving her more chances on the ventilator. How could a parent even think of letting go? I couldn't. I was ready to take on the challenge... and we did. Yes, we were young but one thing we were taught was to rely on prayer and priesthood blessings instead of the Drs and their statistics. We went home with her not knowing what to do. She would have to teach us, instead of us teaching her. And she is, still to this day. I have made many mistakes, I am sure. But she accepts me, loves me and continues to cheer me on. She keeps me on the straight and narrow. She teaches her sisters unconditional love, she teaches grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins what life is really about and whats most important. She has taken us down a road to teach us the "pure love of Christ". We have endured so much together but through it, it has made our family stronger. We have beat the odds and I am so proud of her and how brave she is. She is such a fighter and has a smile that will light up the room. I am so grateful my Father in Heaven has entrusted me with her. She is such a special spirit that loves us so much... almost as much as we love her.

Happy 8th Birthday Emmie! We made it!!

Emmie around 6 months

Isn't she the cutest thing you have ever seen?!?

Emmie 4 months

She had the stinkin cutest laugh!

My baby turned 1 ....

a few months ago and I am so sad. She is growing up before my eyes. My sister came by today with her camera and got some cute shots of my little princess. We were having fun in photoshop with these photos. Elle has such a sweet personality and we are having so much fun with her. She absolutely ADORES her sisters as they do her. We had her bday party a couple months ago and I will be posting those soon.....

just love her beautiful eyes.

My all time favorite...

i could just squeeze her!

Happy 7th Birthday Em bug!

7 years ago this morning my life changed forever. I was so excited to become a mother for the first time and hold my first daughter in my arms, finally. My Heavenly Father had a different plan for me on January 10, 2002. It took a while for me to accept his plan that he had for me but needless to say I eventually accepted this journey and my life has been amazing ever since. I am indeed grateful for a special little girl that blesses my life on a daily basis. Yes, I have stares and questions and looks that I may have to deal with but she is EVERY bit worth it! She has such a sweet spirit about her that I wouldn't trade for the world. She never talks back, she always is there to listen to me when I need to talk about problems. She still sleeps right by my side every night and is the BEST little cuddler. She has the sweetest personality and has the cutest little laugh. She ADORES both of her sisters and loves to watch them. Her favorite thing to do is watch Strawberry Shortcake. We are going on the 4th birthday as Strawberry as our theme. Every year I think she is going to grow out of it but she doesn't. I think that will be one of the saddest days for us. I can't even begin to imagine my life without my little Em bug and I am so grateful for her. She teaches us on a daily basis more than I could ever dream of teaching her. I feel Em has accepted her plan here and knows she is here to teach us. We love her more than anything and are grateful for the spirit she brings into our home. I am so grateful that she chose me as her mother to take this journey with her and that my Heavenly Father entrusted me with her here on this earth. Happy 7th Birthday Em! I love you!

Sorry for all the photos....

Just a baby! 15 months. This picture brings tears to my eyes. I remember how bad she was struggling to breath this day. (pre- trach)

3 years old. Laguna Beach! The happiest little girl!

4 years old. Utah

3 year old Birthday Party

2 years old with dad on halloween

Mom and Em Bug. 4 year old Birthday Party

5 years old. Easter Sunday

Ava and Em 5 years old

Grandma and Emmie. Celebrating her birthday at school yesterday

Her sweet teacher got her some fun stuff!

And also gave her a bite of some frosting that she wasn't sure about!

Em with her sweet sisters!

Happy 7th Birthday Emmie! I will post pictures after her party next weekend!